I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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