I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
