Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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