Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
