my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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