OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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