Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just found a bag of teeth...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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