i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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