Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
