I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
even my farts smell like vagina
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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