Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
