based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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