Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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