Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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