Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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