Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
