you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
