very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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