LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
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I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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