there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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