I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
