Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
