I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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