i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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