please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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