Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
