i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think your dad took our porno
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
