drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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