i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
her vagine was all disorganized.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
