In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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