the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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