I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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