I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
