I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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