Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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