I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
