I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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