Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
