Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
