i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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