Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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