I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
