Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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