Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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