That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
