I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize