wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
