I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
