My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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