Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
