i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
not ubering you a puppy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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