i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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