No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you will always have a special place in my vag
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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